haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
