omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
