i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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