I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
