I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize