I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
