Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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