You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
