Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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