PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
dude. I can hear the air.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
