sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
