I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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