2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
