it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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