so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
