That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
