Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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