It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
