when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
