I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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