come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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