You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
