new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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