if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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