i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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