He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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