dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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