I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
