Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
