Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
