Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
