I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
