Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
