Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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