White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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