i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
