A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His nipple licking is glorious
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