the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
