This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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