I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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