he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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