He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
