Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Alive.
So much puke
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
