ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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