had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
