Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
