I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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