dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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