I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize