i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
