He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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