I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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