Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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