Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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