her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
