proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize