look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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