first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
