I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize