i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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