Christians are straight up FREAKS
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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