I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
