u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
