I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
