i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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