wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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