My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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