Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
All the doctor said was why
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
