hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
