bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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