yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
