I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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