I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We are all done wearing pants today
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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