I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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