Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize