I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize