dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
