my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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