My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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