found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
