it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
