maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
