Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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