their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
