I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize