do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
