I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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