I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
3pm strippers are depressing
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They are going to name an STD after you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
