whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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