I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize