Michael Bay diarrhea
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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