i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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