There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
