Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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