Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
