The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
