So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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