The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
