we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
