i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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