My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
