So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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