apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
