Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
