im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
