It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
