The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
