So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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