Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
