i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Someone came in the potted fern
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
