FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
