he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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