bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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