she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
