His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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